Blog #4: Exactly 300 Words about Taken by Eric James Barger

I just watched “Taken,” with Liam Neeson, and I just have to say, that movie is BADASS. Liam Neeson makes Jason Bourne look like a dandelion sniffing pansy. I feel like if the character from “Taken” were put in any other movie, he would be able to overcome the problem almost immediately.
For instance:
Oh no! There’s snakes on this plane! Oh wait, Liam Neeson just wrestled every single one of them into submission taught them how to be productive members of society. Now they're all Burger King employees.
Oh no! The Titanic’s sinking! Oh wait, Liam Neeson just jumped into the water and fixed the boat singlehandedly, and then kicked the glacier’s ass.
Oh no! There’s something about Mary! Oh wait, no there’s not. Liam Neeson murdered her.
You get the idea. But this movie made me really scared to get a part time job. There is one part where a guy serving champagne sees Liam Neeson downstairs, and Liam Neeson kills him without question. He must have killed about 100 innocent people just going about their day, not really doing anything wrong. I bet the champagne guy was just a broke college student trying to earn a little extra dough. What if a pizza guy had walked in? Let’s just say I think I would get a very bad tip.
This movie also made me think: I would make the worst secret agent ever. First of all, I can’t fight people, but more importantly, I think I would just give up about halfway through and go get some pizza. And unlike Liam Neeson, I wouldn’t murder the pizza guy.
Before I finish, I would like to point out that Liam Neeson is just naturally an extremely badass name. Liam Neeson. Liam Neeson. Liam Neeson. Liam Neeson.
LIAM NEESONNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blog #4- Taco Vendor

I have some bad news. Lindsay Lohan is still alive!!!!! Okay, other than her still roaming Hollywood or lack there of, she is still hitting the hard pAArty scene. I have even more devastating news. Los Angeles is cracking down on taco vendors!!!! How can they do this to me?!!!!!!!!! That is the only reason I go back to L.A! That and the smog, but still anytime you have the munchies at 2 or 3am you just hop on your car and drive for a block or two and bam! You found your self a taco vendor!!! Man, L.A is ruining dating for me. How am I supposed to find a date now? Do they honestly expect me to find someone at the clubs? Because if they do, they are terribly mistaken. I get hungry after I have burned out all my calories dancing, do they really expect me to go to a 24hr McDonalds? Yuck! Who really goes to McDonalds anymore, besides kids? No one!....okay, maybe I, but I only go for their chicken nuggets and fries, and that’s it. I love it how the taco vendors keep serving you ‘til your full. I notice, that taco vendors they are like the mom you wished you had, they stuff you ‘til you had your fill, the food always taste great, they tell you dirty and inappropriate jokes, they treat you nice, and they aren’t constantly reminding you about your weight. How am I supposed to get this? From my REAL mother? I think, not!.... OMG, not only am I supposed to find a new place to meet and possibly date people, but I am also supposed to get a new support system?!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My life as we know it is over!!!!!!! If you need me I will be at McDonalds ordering LARGE fries and 20PC chicken nuggets.